I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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