also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize