how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
