Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
