and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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