Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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