she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In America we eat man semen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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