what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
