I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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