I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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