so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
