my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
