that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
