Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
