Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
