I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
