just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
