just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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