The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
