Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
