I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
