I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
