sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
