After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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