I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
