I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
