why didn't you poke me back
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
