I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
