Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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