i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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