i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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