i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
