how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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