So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You ruined the universe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
