She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
