She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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