matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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