You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
