its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
