yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
