Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
