Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
