I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
