Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
