I will die if light touches me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
