i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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