Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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