and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
