i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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