Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
