office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
