I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
