dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
