Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
