Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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